Co-Dependence

Co-dependence is a term used to describe a situation where an addict’s loved ones protect them from taking responsibility and facing the consequences of their addiction. Codependency is a behavioural condition characterised by an unhealthy focus on others’ needs over one’s own, often leading to one-sided and potentially harmful relationships. This pattern, sometimes called “relationship addiction,” appears from learned behaviors observed and imitated within family dynamics, particularly in families affected by substance abuse.

Initially recognised in the context of alcoholism, codependency has since been understood to manifest in a variety of relationships, not limited to those involving substance misuse.

Behaviour such as making explanations and excuses for the addicted person are all symptoms of co-dependence. It refers to a dysfunctional relationship where one person is excessively reliant on another for their emotional or psychological well-being. In simpler terms, it is an unhealthy and often one-sided dynamic that can occur between individuals, often with one person being dependent on another who has an addiction.

This dependency blurs the boundaries of individuality, causing individuals to lose sight of their own needs and desires, thereby creating dependency and negatively impacting their self-worth and well-being. Originally, codependency was identified in the 1940s to describe behaviors seen in family members of alcoholics, such as enabling substance use and avoiding confrontation about the addiction. However, modern interpretations recognise codependency as a broader issue that can arise in any relationship where one party consistently prioritises the needs of another at their own expense.

The concept of co-dependence was first introduced in the 1950s by experts studying the dynamics of families with alcoholism. They observed that family members of individuals with addiction often exhibited certain behavioural patterns and emotional responses that perpetuated the addiction cycle. These behaviors can include enabling the addiction, controlling others and neglecting one’s own needs in favor of the addicted person.

The roots of codependency lie in a weak self-concept and poor boundaries, often exacerbated by biological, psychological and social factors. This may include an innate propensity for excessive empathy, psychological predispositions shaped by adverse life experiences and societal influences. While it predominantly affected those close to individuals with substance dependence, codependency is now seen across various relationship types, including familial and professional connections.

If you find yourself in a co-dependent relationship, it is key to recognise the signs. You may constantly feel responsible for the addicted person’s behaviour and well-being, neglecting your own self-care. You might develop an intense desire to control or fix the person’s addiction, often at the expense of your own happiness. This can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment and even guilt.

Signs of codependency include neglecting personal needs and feelings to cater to someone else, leading to an imbalance where the caregiver’s contributions are continually exploited. While some dependency is natural and healthy in relationships, codependency crosses into detrimental territory, focusing on controlling or changing the other person rather than creating mutual support and understanding.

By understanding the concept of co-dependence, you can take steps to break free from this unhealthy dynamic. This may involve seeking therapy or support groups specifically designed for co-dependents. It is fundamental for you to prioritise your own well-being, set boundaries and develop a sense of self-worth independent of the addicted person. Remember, you cannot control or fix someone else’s addiction – only they can make the decision to seek help.

Treating codependency typically involves delving into early childhood experiences to uncover the origins of harmful behaviour patterns. Therapy aims to educate individuals, engage them in experiential learning and provide individual and group counselling to help them rediscover themselves, confront suppressed emotions and rebuild healthier relationship dynamics. The goal is to re-establish a balance of feelings and promote interdependence within relationships.

Founded in 2008, WeDoRecover has evolved from an advisory service for addiction treatment into a comprehensive provider of care, following its 2019 merger with Changes Addiction Rehab in Johannesburg. Specialising in connecting patients to top-tier addiction treatment centers in the UK, South Africa and Thailand, WeDoRecover supports individuals globally, including those from the United Arab Emirates and Europe. Accepting both South African medical aid and international health insurance our organisation facilitates access to high-quality treatment for substance and alcohol use disorders, offering individualised care that addresses the physical, mental and social needs of patients.

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