Co-dependency can be defined as when two individuals are excessively and emotionally dependent on each other and it negatively affects the way the live their lives.
Often people addicted to alcohol and other drugs are in a relationship with a co-dependent that minimises the negative consequences of their addiction and thereby allows the addict to keep using and drinking. This is against the conscious wishes of the co-dependent and professional addiction treatment or alcohol rehab will help to highlight better relationship skills that need to be developed by both parties for long term recovery.

Co-dependency refers to a dysfunctional pattern of behaviour and thinking that often develops in relationships affected by addiction. It is commonly seen in relationships where one person is dependent on substances or behaviors, such as drugs, alcohol or gambling and the other person enables or supports this behavior.

Individuals with codependency often find themselves in a cycle of prioritising the needs and behaviors of others, particularly addicts over their own well-being. This pattern of behaviour can result in them taking on the addict’s problems as their own, attempting to control or manipulate situations to solve these issues, despite often being manipulated themselves. Their actions, driven by a need to feel needed, can lead to neglect of their own needs and desires, creating resentment, anger and a host of mental health issues including depression and anxiety. Codependents typically suffer from low self-esteem and lack a strong sense of self, leading them to become overly absorbed in their partner’s feelings and problems, losing sight of their own identity and values in the process.

The fear of abandonment or rejection drives codependents to extreme lengths to maintain their relationships, including enabling the addict’s behaviour through justification and taking on excessive responsibilities to keep the relationship afloat. This fear also impedes their ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries, a difficulty often rooted in childhood experiences in homes affected by substance abuse. Without healthy boundaries, codependents struggle to protect their own mental and emotional space, either adopting weak boundaries that fail to shield them from manipulation or rigid ones that isolate them from meaningful connections.

Codependents’ inability to recognise and express their own emotions, compounded by their preoccupation with the addict’s life, traps them in a cycle of denial and dependency, preventing them from seeking help or achieving independence. This cycle of codependency perpetuates a dysfunctional and toxic relationship dynamic, reinforcing patterns of behaviour that are difficult to break without intervention and support.

In the past, co-dependency was primarily associated with family members or significant others of individuals struggling with addiction. However, the concept has expanded to include broader relationships as well. It is not limited to a specific gender, age or cultural group – anyone can be affected by co-dependency.

Co-dependent individuals often have a strong desire to help or fix the person with the addiction. They may neglect their own needs and well-being, sacrificing their own happiness and sometimes enabling the destructive behaviors of their loved one. This pattern can create an unhealthy cycle that perpetuates the addiction and prevents both individuals from seeking help.

Codependency and drug abuse often work together, particularly within families affected by addiction. Initially identified among families dealing with alcoholism, codependency is prevalent among those closely connected to individuals battling addiction. This includes not only partners who both use substances but also close family members and children of those addicted to drugs. Children, in particular, may assume a caretaking role for an addicted parent, leading to codependent behaviors.

Codependent individuals may believe they can alleviate the suffering of those they care for, inadvertently enabling harmful behaviors. This pattern sustains toxic relationship dynamics, where the codependent’s self-esteem becomes intertwined with their caregiving role, potentially leading to resentment and an entangled sense of identity with the addicted individual. When codependents pair with enablers who justify their caretaking actions, neither party can achieve healthy relational dynamics or individual growth.

There are generally three categories of codependent relationships encountered:

1. Relationships involving addiction,
2. Relationships marked by abuse,
3. Relationships influenced by peer pressure.

Particularly in relationships affected by substance abuse and those with abusive dynamics, codependents might financially support the addiction, provide a living space to avoid rehabilitation or directly supply substances, hindering the recovery of the addicted individual and deepening the codependent bond. In relationships dominated by abuse or manipulation, codependents may act out of insecurity and a deep-seated need to please, complying with the demands of the abuser to maintain the relationship. This dynamic cultivates an environment where healthy boundaries and individual identities are compromised, perpetuating the cycle of codependency.

Recognising co-dependency is an important step in the recovery process. By understanding the dynamics of co-dependency, you can gain insight into the ways in which your behaviour may be enabling the addiction. This awareness allows you to establish healthier boundaries and focus on your own well-being.

In addiction treatment, addressing co-dependency is fundamental for both the individual struggling with addiction and their loved ones. Many rehabs and therapy programs offer specific counselling or support groups for co-dependent individuals. These programs aim to provide education, tools and a safe space for you to explore and address co-dependent behaviors.

Founded in 2008, WeDoRecover has evolved from an advisory service for addiction treatment into a comprehensive provider of care, following its 2019 merger with Changes Addiction Rehab in Johannesburg. Specialising in connecting patients to top-tier addiction treatment centers in the UK, South Africa and supporting individuals in recovery world wide.

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