Codependency And Addiction

We offer therapeutic approaches designed to break the patterns of co-dependency and create healthier, more independent relationship dynamics. Our treatment focuses on helping individuals understand and reshape their relational behaviors, promoting healthier interpersonal interactions. Engaging in codependent behaviors can act as a temporary escape from both positive and negative emotions for individuals. Recognising the impact of codependency on one’s life can be difficult, especially if it has not yet resulted in significant consequences. It is important to evaluate the long-term costs of codependency on oneself and others, seeking feedback from loved ones to understand the impact it may have on overall well-being.

Regular therapy sessions with a counsellor are essential for ongoing communication and support during the recovery process. Codependency counselling allows for open discussions about challenges and solutions, addressing underlying factors contributing to codependent behaviors such as social, familial or professional stressors. Therapists help individuals gain a deeper understanding of themselves and develop strategies for maintaining overall health and well-being in recovery.

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Codependent people are usualy very likeable people. They go out of their way to be pleasant and make those around them happy. They put on a happy face and are bubbly, warm and giving people. There is nothing wrong with this unless the giving becomes so one-sided and excessive that it starts to weigh upon the giver.

If the giver is giving away a great deal more than he/she is receiving then that is a sign of codependence. A healthy partnership between people involves giving and take. This pattern is referred to as interdependent. Of course, if your partner is having difficulty it is not unhealthy to give a little more knowing that your partner would reciprocate if the tables were turned.

People in an interdependent relationship will not give until it hurts. In a codependent relationship, one partner will do nearly all the giving and the other will do nearly all the taking.

“Codependency is not about a relationship with an addict, it is the absence of relationship with self”.

This is how author Terry Kellogg defines co-dependency in his book, Broken Toys Broken Dreams.

If you think that you or someone you love may be suffering from co-dependency but unsure of what it is, continue reading as you will be able to determine what the signs and symptoms of this addiction is and how it can be treated.

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What is Co-Dependency?

Co-dependency can be defined as an emotional or behavioural condition which affects one’s ability to have a normal and healthy relationship with another person.

In simple terms, it refers to one person helping or caring for another person in a manner that is above the normal limit.

An individual suffering from co-dependency will feel as if they need to be needed, which in turn causes the other individual to become needy. This type of behaviour is known as enabling.

A good way to describe this situation is to picture this scenario:

The enabler (the person benefiting from co-dependent individual) will look past the unusually helpful and caring symptoms of the co-dependent individual, which will stop this person from recovering and getting help.

Codependent people

Codependent people using giving as a way to avoid negative emotions. To them, it gives them a sense of self-worth and makes them feel useful.

Codependent people need the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves.

They often struggle to receive anything from other people because their low self-esteem leaves them feeling that they do not deserve anything.

Maintaining codependent behaviour requires a great deal of effort and causes emotional pain. People with codependency often struggle with low self-esteem, depression, guilt and other unpleasant thoughts and feelings.

Codependents are usually highly self-critical and judge themselves very harshly even if they are very forgiving of those around them.

Codependent people find it difficult to express anger when they should. They tend to store it up and let it erupt at times when they shouldn’t be angry.

They are often disconnected from their emotions because they experience these as being painful and unwanted.

They maintain a facade of enthusiastic and happy behaviour rather than allowing their inner pain to the surface. They look after people around them to the point of ignoring their own needs.

Codependent people can be found in terrible relationships where they are verbally, emotionally and physically abused.

They put up with this because the idea of being alone is scary, empty and depressing.

Without somebody to tell them they’re okay the codependent will have no self-worth and so they cling to the abusive partner even though the relationship is a disaster.

Being alone and not having somebody else to look after would mean the codependent would be forced to look at his/her own inner life.

The codependent will go to great lengths to excuse the bad behaviour of his/her partner. They will rationalise, ignore and excuse behaviour so that they don’t have to look at making the decision to be alone.

The codependent person endeavours to “understand” and ignores the hurt that the behaviour causes. It seems never to occur to the codependent to stand up to the partner and lay down boundaries.

Because the codependent spends so much effort excusing the partner’s behaviour he/she may not even feel abused. They do not feel worthy enough to deserve proper treatment.

This could be as a result of childhood experiences growing up. The codependent person may have grown up in a difficult emotional climate and so the partner’s behaviour may seem normal and familiar.

A codependent will not feel worthy of respect and if somebody treats them badly they will assume they did something to deserve it. They will not think that even if a person is angry they should still be responsible for their behaviour and should be respectful to others.

Because they don’t stand up for themselves codependents often experience increasing abuse and neglect from those around them.

When the codependent starts to feel angry because he/she is being mistreated instead of getting angry at the right person they will try to distort things and avoid this.

They feel that they cannot be angry with the person they are reliant on for feeling good about themselves. Codependents will try to rationalise their feelings and blame their reaction on over-sensitivity.

Anger is a healthy emotion if it is dealt with appropriately. It is a sign that something is wrong and needs attention.

If you do not express anger then the people around you will not know that you are unhappy and require something to be adjusted.

Codependents turn their anger towards themselves and become sad and depressed. Rather than facing up to their partner they blame themselves and look for ways as to how they might have caused the misbehaviour.

If anger is kept in and suppressed it may lead to resentments. These simmer inside the codependent until they eventually can’t handle them anymore. They then have an aggressive blow-up or use passive-aggression to lash out at people.

Codependents struggle to assert themselves appropriately and are often hurt that other people are unable to know what they need. They spend a huge amount of effort in trying to understand other peoples needs and feelings and are hurt if this is not reciprocated.

Codependents often believe that they have conveyed their desires when in actual fact they have simply been unable to properly express them.

Codependent people are very control-oriented and tend to be very responsible. They are eager to please and do their work thoroughly which makes them great employees. They tend to help out their coworkers wherever possible. They will do anything for approval.

In other areas of life, some codependent people lack in responsibility.

They often won’t take care of their own basic needs, especially if they can get affirmation for looking after somebody else.

Codependent people are at a greater risk of developing addictions than the rest of the population. They may drink too much, shop too much, eat too much, work too much, etc.

Codependents find themselves unable to experience true intimacy in a relationship. They discover that to be intimate with somebody else requires a certain level of familiarity and comfort with one’s internal world. Codependents often regard their ordinary human needs as “base” or somehow shameful and embarrassing. They dismiss their needs and choose superficial relationships that are safe (but unfulfilling).

Control is of key importance to the codependent person. They attempt to control their self-esteem by catering to others’ needs for the pay-off of affirmation.

They attempt to control others by taking responsibility and picking up where other people have slacked off. They attempt to control their partners by avoiding intimacy.

Codependents work very hard to control themselves and everybody around them.

Codependency can be treated in clinics in South Africa. We have a number of specialist programs that address a spectrum of behavioural problems.

Signs and Symptoms of Co-Dependency

If you suspect yourself or someone you love to be suffering from co-dependency, look out for these indicators below.

Co-dependent individuals will show an over-the-top sense of responsibility for others, they will confuse the terms ‘love and pity’, most times they will do more than what’s required of them and will show an obsessive need for recognition or approval.

When asserting themselves; the addict will feel guilty, they will feel it is necessary to control others, will exhibit a lack of trust in themselves and others as well as being dishonest.

Co-Dependency Treatment

If you picked up or linked any of the symptoms above to yourself or a loved one, stop what you are doing and seek help.

Co-dependent individuals will deny that they have a problem and look to justify their behaviour by saying the “love the individual so much”.

It’s important that the individual is shown that they have a problem, which will help them to understand that what they are doing is wrong.

There are lots of treatment options available to treat co-dependency, education, group therapy, one-on-one counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy as well as the popular 12 step intervention programmes.

These therapy and counselling methods will centre on ensuring that the individual begins to take care of themselves rather than someone else.

If you are struggling with these types of problems or need more information on how to get yourself or a loved one into treatment, please call us now and we will gladly assist you.