Depression Is A Complex Struggle Beyond Temporary Sadness
What are the key signs and symptoms of depression beyond persistent sadness that indicate someone may need professional support?
When Your Mind Turns Against You and Nobody Sees It
Everyone gets sad. Everyone has days where they feel flat, stressed, disappointed, or emotionally drained. That’s not depression, that’s being human.
Depression is different because it doesn’t behave like a normal emotion. It doesn’t rise and fall with life events in a predictable way. It sticks. It colours everything. It distorts your thinking. It changes your body. It changes your relationships. It changes the way you experience time. It can make simple tasks feel impossible, and it can make good news feel irrelevant.
And the most brutal part is that depression often looks like attitude from the outside. Lazy. Moody. Dramatic. Negative. Ungrateful. “Always tired.” “Always complaining.” “Always sleeping.” “Always angry.” People don’t see depression, they see the behaviour it produces, and then they judge the behaviour.
That’s why this topic starts arguments online, because people still want depression to be something you can snap out of. They want to believe it’s a character problem, not a health problem. They want it to be a choice because choices are easier to blame than illnesses.
If you’re reading this for yourself, you’re not “weak.” If you’re reading this because you’re worried about someone close to you, this is not a phase you should wait out.
What Depression Actually Is
Depression is not just feeling sad. It’s a whole system change in mood, motivation, thinking, and physical functioning. It affects concentration, sleep, appetite, energy, sex drive, and emotional control. It can flatten emotions completely or make them swing hard into irritability and rage. It can also show up as numbness, where the person doesn’t even feel sad, they just feel nothing.
It often comes with a cruel inner narrator. That voice that says you’re useless, you’re behind, you’ve messed up everything, people would be better off without you, you’ll never catch up, you’ll never fix it. That voice can feel like “truth” when you’re depressed, even though it’s not.
Depression also makes people withdraw. Not because they don’t care, but because everything feels effortful and they assume they’re a burden. They start cancelling plans. They stop replying. They disappear from the group chat. Then people get offended and walk away, which confirms the depressed person’s belief that they don’t matter.
It becomes a loop.
The Symptoms People Recognise, and the Ones They Don’t
Most people know the classic signs, crying, low mood, loss of interest. But depression is often quieter and more complicated than that. Here’s what tends to show up in real life, especially in South African families where people are taught to “just get on with it.”
It starts as exhaustion, not emotion
A lot of people don’t say “I’m depressed.” They say “I’m tired.” They say “I can’t cope.” They say “I’m burnt out.” They say “I’m just not myself.” They feel heavy, slow, mentally foggy. Even showering feels like climbing a hill.
It shows up as anger in many men
Men often present with irritability, agitation, short temper, and risk taking rather than tears. It can look like someone who suddenly can’t tolerate anything, picks fights, drives aggressively, drinks more, becomes harsh with their kids, or becomes emotionally unavailable.
Sleep goes sideways
Some people can’t sleep at all. They lie awake with racing thoughts and dread. Others sleep too much and still wake up exhausted. That’s not laziness, it’s the body and brain struggling to regulate.
Appetite changes, sometimes dramatically
Some people stop eating because they lose appetite completely. Others eat constantly because food becomes one of the only accessible comfort mechanisms left. Weight gain or loss can happen either way.
Concentration drops and decisions become painful
Depression affects cognition. People struggle to focus, remember, and plan. They can stare at a simple email for 30 minutes and still not send it. Then they feel ashamed, which makes the depression worse.
Loss of interest is a major red flag
It’s not only about hobbies. It’s losing interest in people, sex, music, food, conversation, and even things that used to spark joy. Some people describe it as living behind glass, watching life but not feeling part of it.
Physical pain can be part of it
Headaches, muscle tension, stomach pain, chest tightness, body aches. Depression can show up in the body, and people end up doing medical rounds without anyone naming the mental health piece.
High Functioning and Smiling
One of the most dangerous forms is “high functioning depression.” The person still goes to work. They still look okay. They still show up at events. They still make jokes. They still post on social media.
But behind the scenes they’re collapsing. They feel empty. They feel numb. They feel like they’re pretending. They might be drinking at night to switch their brain off. They might be using sleeping tablets. They might be using stimulants to get through the day. They might be isolating hard when they get home.
Families miss this because the person looks stable. The person also misses it because they compare themselves to someone who is “worse.” They tell themselves they don’t deserve help. That mindset kills people.
Depression and Substance Use
Depression and addiction are close cousins. People use alcohol and drugs to change how they feel. Not because they’re reckless, but because they’re desperate for relief. Alcohol is a depressant, yet it often feels like a quick fix at first because it numbs anxiety and emotional pain. Then it rebounds. Sleep worsens. Mood worsens. Motivation worsens. Shame increases. Now the person drinks more to escape the shame. That’s how it turns into a trap.
Substance use can also trigger depression. Heavy drinking disrupts brain chemistry and sleep. Certain drugs destabilise mood and anxiety. Withdrawal states can cause intense depression. People often get stuck arguing about which came first. The more useful question is, what is keeping the cycle going right now. If someone is depressed and using substances, treat both. Ignoring either side is how people keep relapsing, emotionally and chemically.
The Myths That Keep People Stuck, and Why They Spread So Well Online
Social media loves simplistic stories. Depression doesn’t fit that.
“You just need gratitude”
Gratitude can be helpful in life. It is not a medical treatment for depression. Telling a depressed person to be grateful is like telling someone with a broken leg to appreciate the view.
“Depression is just weakness”
Depression affects strong people, capable people, successful people, disciplined people. This myth survives because it makes observers feel safe. If depression is weakness, then “it won’t happen to me.”
That’s not safety. That’s denial.
“Therapy is for rich people”
Not everyone can afford private therapy, but depression support is not only about weekly sessions. It can include clinics, community mental health services, support groups, structured outpatient programmes, and medical treatment when appropriate. The idea that help is only for wealthy people is partly true in access terms, but it’s also used as an excuse to do nothing.
“Medication changes your personality”
Medication is not for everyone, and it must be managed carefully, but for some people it reduces symptoms enough to let them function and engage in therapy properly. Untreated depression also changes your personality, it makes you smaller, colder, more hopeless, more reactive, and more isolated.
When Depression Becomes Urgent
Depression isn’t always an emergency, but it can become one. There are warning signs that mean you should act quickly, not after another week, not after the next family meeting.
If the person starts giving away belongings, saying people would be better off without them, talking about death, becoming reckless, withdrawing completely, or suddenly becoming calm after a period of agitation, take it seriously. That calm can mean they’ve decided something internally.
If you’re the person feeling this way, don’t test how far you can go. Get help fast. You do not need to “prove” your pain before you’re allowed support.
Treatment Isn’t One Thing
Depression treatment is not one magic fix. It’s usually a combination of things depending on severity and context. Therapy can help identify thinking patterns, behaviours, and triggers. Medical treatment can support mood regulation when needed. Lifestyle factors matter, sleep, movement, nutrition, connection, routine. If alcohol or drugs are involved, that must be addressed too.
The key is this, depression is treatable, but it rarely improves by waiting, hoping, or pretending. People often delay help until they’re in crisis because they don’t want to be dramatic. That delay is what makes it dramatic.
Depression Is a Health Problem, Not a Personality Trait
Depression is not a “type of person.” It’s not a permanent identity. It’s a condition that can distort how you see yourself and the world. It can convince you that you’re alone, that you’re failing, that there is no point. Those thoughts can feel logical when you’re depressed, but they are symptoms, not truth.
If you recognise these signs in yourself or someone you love, take it seriously. Don’t wait for it to “get bad enough.” That’s not bravery. That’s gambling. Getting help is not about becoming a different person. It’s about getting your mind back on your side again.