One of the most commonly shared traits amongst addiction sufferers is that they do not exactly like themselves. They generally suffer from low self-esteem, which can be as bad as blatantly hating themselves and very often, this has gone as far as a suicide attempt or two or three.
Living in recovery means embracing a spiritual way of life. If recovery people work a 12-step program, they invariably strive to live according to step 12, which says: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of working of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” This specific step relates to alcoholism, but the word alcoholics can be replaced with addicts or whatever form of compulsive addictive behaviour is being dealt with.
The words “these principles” in step 12, refer to the spiritual principles proclaimed in the steps in general. Some of the most profound and fundamental ones are honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. But the “umbrella principle” is love. Love for yourself, love for others, and love for a higher power. The principle of love ripples through most of the spirituality in general and is sometimes more implied than directly stated. The concept of self-love relates very closely to self-esteem and self-care.
Oscar Wilde, in all his wisdom, once said: “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Loving ourselves is the first principle for anything in life. Without self-love, it is nearly impossible to love others or to give freely of yourself. To find true recovery, the addict must move from hate to love, which is an immense but necessary journey. A well-known recovery saying goes: “The longest distance for an addict to travel is from the head to the heart.” Addicts and alcoholics use and drink to numb their feelings and mostly live in their heads. Spirituality asks us to stop thinking and to start feeling. One of the most important of these feelings is love. It is to learn to love oneself enough to believe that you deserve to be clean and sober. To love enough to want good things for yourself.
Self-love may initially sound selfish, but through self-love, we can learn how to love someone else. One of the first and most important “selfish” acts we must learn is the ability to say no. Learn what you like and do not like and learn about boundaries and what is acceptable and not acceptable for you. It is okay to say “thank you, but I think I will raincheck” when we do not want to do something. Nobody has an unlimited source of energy. We must learn to use our energy efficiently, so we sometimes have to say no to things. Learn that an arrangement with yourself is an arrangement in itself. Do not stand yourself up.
To see what is good in you is the fundamental principle in seeing what is good in anyone else. Teach yourself to see what is good about yourself. Every now and then, look at yourself in the mirror and say: “I love you.” Use only constructive self-talk and only speak positively about yourself. Do not lie or brag, but stop breaking yourself down. While on the topic of talking – start having conversations with a Higher Power. You do not have to call it praying. Whatever you prefer to call it, do it as often as possible – at home, in the car, while brushing your teeth, during a jog, in the bath and while eating. Also, learn to speak less and listen more. Speak only half the times we think we need to. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, but we speak up when necessary.
Treasure your body. Before eating anything, ask yourself if that is the healthiest most nutritious thing for your body at that moment. Trust what you hear. Now that you are making healthy decisions for yourself and have the guidance of a power greater than yourself, you can trust your gut. Maybe your body does need ice-cream today, but tomorrow it will probably need carrots. Learn to listen to your inner voice. Trust it. By recognising your own divinity, you enable yourself to observe the divinities of others.
Take responsibility for how you feel – mentally and physically. If you overdo, you will over-feel. Negative input is negative output, both emotionally and substantially. Take a “me day”, when you really need one. Only buy clothes if they fit comfortably and make you feel good about yourself. Remember, you deserve to feel good.
Learn to spoil yourself. Take time for a treat, like a manicure or a movie and popcorn. Get into a self-care routine by getting regular exercise and eating healthy food. Go to bed at around the same time every night. Being tired and hungry are never good for addiction sufferers.
Take a break from life. Remember what your priorities in life are. Do not forget that whatever you put in front of your recovery, you lose. Go on a “media fast” once in a while and take long walks by yourself. While you are out in nature, send love towards Mother Earth. Appreciate what She so lovingly gives. Learn from Her. Become compassionate towards her and others, but also, and most importantly, be compassionate to yourself. Reach out to someone you know needs help. Give something away. Honour those whom you love. Show them you love them. Tell them. Do something good for them without expecting anything in return.
Organise things around you to serve as reminders that you are in recovery. Your immediate surroundings reflect your state of mind. Wash your dishes and keep the kitchen sink empty and clean. Make the bed every morning and ensure that your cupboards are organised. Have your dinners at a table, use placemats and practice the art of conversation during meals.
Write down ten things that you would like to experience in this lifetime. Look at that list often. Learn to appreciate that nothing needs to be perfect, it just needs to be.
Avoiding drama at all costs. But never avoid dealing with issues you know need to be dealt with.
Learn how to play. Play often. Play with passion.
If you want recovery and do not know where and how to find it, contact us today, we have a team of professionals ready to help you.