I’ve never been a superstitious man. Quite the contrary I have always been careful to establish the facts of the matter before believing anything.
Perhaps the need to explain my drug addiction forced me to question everything. After all, how could a rational man (such as I fancied myself to be) use drugs to the extent that they caused both myself and my loved ones such harm and yet I did not stop? There was simply no good reason to continue using drugs in the face of the awful consequences.
I didn’t know about physiological dependence and the withdrawal symptoms it creates – one of the hallmarks of drug addiction and the bane of sanity. This is a clinical term that describes compulsively using drugs no matter what the consequences. Just like I was. There was no rational reason for me to use the drugs at all, never mind in the excessive way I did but I just couldn’t stop myself. I was absolutely dependent on them.
When people suggested that I be admitted to a drug addiction rehab centre I balked. I thought that I could still control my drugs somehow and that admitting that I needed help was some sign of weakness. I was also not convinced I wanted to stop entirely. But I allowed myself to be convinced to go to treatment.
My first time in treatment was an eye opener. For a start I had been expecting the people in there to be hopeless bums and tramps. In fact the people suffering from drug addiction were a lot like me. They were friendly, polite, educated and came from good families. I realise now that this illness affects people across the social spectrum.
Anyway, I arrived in the drug addiction rehab centre full of arrogance and wanting to disprove everything that was told to me. I questioned the idea of a Higher Power and gave convincing arguments against spirituality. I questioned the disease concept of addiction. I basically questioned everything and refused to accept anything – especially that I was an addict.
Sad to say I didn’t “get” addiction recovery the first time round. I was too busy protecting my ego to allow any healing to happen. I know that I could have been more open to change but I still had reservations about quitting. It was no surprise to me that I relapsed back onto drugs shortly after leaving the drug addiction rehab. I had planned to do so!
Therefore it couldn’t really be a relapse – right?
It didn’t take long for me to be back in the swing of full blown drug addiction. I thought that having been clean for a few weeks would mean my using wouldn’t be so bad but I discovered that it took only a day or two of drug taking before the cycle of despair returned but this time it seemed worse than before rehab! I learned later that when we addicts relapse we don’t start our disease from square one again, the illness is still present and progresses without us having to be actively using drugs.
So if a relapse should occour it’s not that we continue where we left off, we continue from where we would have been if we had never stopped. This fact contributes to many overdoses.
Anyway my friends dragged me off into drug addiction rehab again. I arrived subdued and a little chagrined to be returning. I was supposed to be the clever guy who knew everything. The staff didn’t judge me and welcomed me back warmly – that much was a relief.
This time around I did try to work the drug addiction treatment program and committed myself to keeping an open mind. I learned a lot more and realised that the simple concepts did not require a huge amount of rationalising. They required action rather than intellectual thought. I kept to myself and applied myself to the written work.
My mistake the second time wrong was staring me in the face but it took yet another relapse on the outside for me to see it. How can I be so blind to my own struggles?
I discovered that I can’t do this alone. By keeping to myself I was blocking out the community members and not allowing them the chance to help me through the process of the recovery program. I missed out on valuable lessons because there wasn’t somebody to point out their experience. Beating drug addiction is a team effort.
My third time in rehab worked a charm. I was humble and open minded. I used the support available to me and shared openly with my peers. Something had clicked for me. I lost the need to defend my ego and found myself laughing at my previous absurdities.
Active drug addiction is now in my past but I still work my program because I know my illness is still with me. It’s not luck – it’s about applying the actions related to a simple program. But I consider myself a lucky man to be in this program, thank you recovery!
If you would like help in finding out more about drug addiction and how it is treated please contact one of our expert intake coordinators. They will provide you with independent advice and assist you in choosing a treatment option that best suits your individual needs.